She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
