how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
