I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
do nipples grow back?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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