I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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