So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
