I cannot find my penis.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
