We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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