So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
