O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I supernannyed him into submission
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
