why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
