Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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