he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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