just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
