It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
