I accidentally had phone sex last night
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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