mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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