I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
