I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
