Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
even my farts smell like vagina
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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