she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
