cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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