i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
