that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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