im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
