Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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