haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
