how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
