you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
