The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
