Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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