no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
