You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
where are you?
Hypothermia
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
