I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
