grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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