I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
This is classic penis vs brain.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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