The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
