Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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