I accidentally burped into my bong.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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