worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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