Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
