Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
