While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
