i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
