before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
