I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
