So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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