Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
