She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
