She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
