theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
