I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I will pee on everything he values.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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