You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
