I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
