Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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