how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
