i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
