If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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