I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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