Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
